Lonely
by TeeWitched
Summary: Frederik's death left a void in Hanssen's life, one that he doesn't think he can fill again. However, when he is presented with a patient who is just as lonely as he is, he can't help but try and fill that void and heal them both.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So some of you may have read my other Holby fic about Hannah and Hanssen, well this is kind of a different take on the character of Hannah - well she's actually a completely different character who just happens to share the same name! I kind of had this idea running through my head at the same time as writing my other fic but I put this one off until the resolution of the Gaskell storyline. So I'm working on bringing that other fic to a close (I say that, it will probably keep going for a long time!) but I wanted to start this one in tandem so it doesn't fall too far behind with everything.**

 **I hope you enjoy this story and I always value feedback so please take just a few seconds to leave a review, even if it's just to tell me you're enjoying the fic! It means the world to me as a writer just to know when people are enjoying my writing so please let me know.**

 **Chapter 1**

The death of Frederik had left a hole in Henrik's life that he knew he would struggle to fill. He had never let Frederik know how important he was to him, how proud he was of all his accomplishments, because that wasn't the kind of father that he was. Now Frederik was gone and there would never be the chance for Henrik to tell him anything. On top it all Sara had taken Oskar away from him as well so he wouldn't even have the chance to be a grandfather, he was alone again.

The only consolation he had ever known was to throw himself into his work, so that was what he did. When his biological family was taken away from him he leaned on his Hospital family and they supported him completely. He blamed himself for what had happened but nobody else seemed to blame him. He couldn't work out whether that brought him comfort or more shame.

Roxanna and John were good to him, he was glad that they were there or else he was unsure that he would have been able to cope at all. He tried not to lean on them but he always knew he could go to them should he need someone. It didn't stop his days dragging on and his nights being lonely though. He had never minded being alone before, but now everything seemed so much colder and darker. It was like he had never truly known loneliness before, only now.

January was drawing to a close and Henrik was struggling to hold things together. Every day felt like he was slipping further and further away from himself and into that oblivion he feared so much. He was waiting for some kind of light to guide him out. He thought about this as he sat at the nurse's station and stared into space. He was aware that he was doing it but he couldn't seem to drag himself out of it. His mind was wandering and drifting farther and farther away...

'There's nothing wrong with me! Just give me some paracetamol and send me on my way and I'll be fine!' a female voice snapped him back to reality and his eyes fell on a young woman who was in the bed closest to the nurse's station. Nurse Chiltern seemed to be trying to calm her down but she was batting away his arms and protesting. Hanssen took a deep breath and stood up, it was time for him to assert his authority again.

'It's better that you just let us check you out so we can make sure you're definitely alright.' Lofty said with a pleading gesture and the woman leaned forward before groaning and grimacing in pain as she fell back against the pillow.

'See, you're in pain and there's a reason for that so we need to find out what's causing the pain. There could be something seriously wrong.' Lofty explained and the woman looked up at him and rolled her eyes as Hanssen approached the bed.

'Abdominal pain in the lower right quadrant, indicative of appendicitis but there's no distension of the stomach, no temperature and no further symptoms. At best it's most likely onset period cramps or constipation.' she said and Lofty paused, looking confused.

'You sound like you know what you're talking about?' Hanssen asked and she jumped a little as she hadn't noticed him before. She looked at him with a suspicious look.

'Yeah well I'd hope so, I did the full medical school run.' she explained and grimaced in pain again.

'You trained?' Lofty asked and she nodded.

'I wanted to be a surgeon once upon a time.' she said with a small smile and Hanssen inwardly groaned - doctors, even potential ones, always made the worst patients.

'What happened?' he asked and she shrugged.

'Life?' she suggested and he gave her his best, clipped smile before picking up her notes.

'Well, Miss...?' he scanned her notes for her name but she beat him to it.

'Wilde, Hannah Wilde.' she informed him and he nodded, returning his gaze to her notes quickly.

'ED sent her up with suspected appendicitis, she collapsed on the high street.' Lofty explained and Hannah glared at the wall opposite. Hanssen took this opportunity to scan her and make any deductions he could.

She looked to be quite young still, if she had completed medical school then it couldn't have been very long ago she definitely wasn't yet thirty. She had shoulder-length, dirty blonde hair and a face heavily made up with heavy eye-liner and wine-coloured lipstick. In her ears she wore simple, gold hoops and a nose ring in her left nostril. She wore tattered jeans and a black leather jacket with red boots. She looked like she had seen better days.

He completed his scan with a quick review of her medical history which noted past admissions to the ED for drug abuse and self-harm issues. She had been admitted to the psychiatric team once but never showed for sessions so was discharged. Hanssen sighed as he looked at her again and he knew that the tough bravado she was putting on was exactly that, a show.

'Well, Miss Wilde, the quicker we find the problem, the quicker we can let you go.' Hanssen explained to her and she nodded and pouted slightly, not deigning to respond to him again.

'Would you mind if I had a feel of your abdomen?' Hanssen asked and Hannah made a gesture to show it was fine so Hanssen placed the notes back in the holder at the end of the bed and applied some sanitiser to his hands. Hannah lay back as Hanssen checked over her stomach and sure enough, she was right and there was no distention to suggest appendicitis.

'Alright, well we'll do some bloods and an ultrasound to make sure it's nothing more serious than cramping. Have you been eating well recently?' he asked and she looked away.

'Might have missed a meal here or there.' she muttered and Hanssen and Lofty shared a look. She was very skinny, they doubted it was the odd meal she was missing.

'When was the last time you ate?' Hanssen asked and she shrugged.

'Maybe a couple of days ago.' she said before blushing suddenly and looking up at him defiantly. 'Look, I'm not gonna sit here and be judged so if you don't have anything else...' she trailed off and Hanssen bowed his head.

'Nobody's judging you.' he assured her before turning to Lofty. 'Did the ED do bloods?' he asked and Lofty nodded.

'FBC's, U&E's and glucose.' he said and Hanssen nodded.

'Repeat them please and I would also like a urine analysis. We need to ensure this isn't just a nutritional issue.' He said and Lofty nodded.

'And the ultrasound too?' he asked and Hanssen nodded before turning to leave.

'Do you have anyone we can call?' Lofty asked her as he began to help her to remove her jacket. She shook her head and blushed slightly again. As she removed her jacket Lofty noted old scars on her forearms from where she had self-harmed in the past; her right wrist had a small tattoo on it with two stars and a large star adorned her left shoulder. Her left forearm was covered with a tattoo which read 'and yet I smile' and she had a semi-colon tattooed onto her left wrist. He pointed to the phrase on her left arm with a smile.

'I like that.' he said and she gave him a small smile back, he decided this had broken a small wall between them and ventured on. 'Are you sure you don't have anyone we can call for you, mum or dad?' he asked and she stiffened slightly.

'No, I don't have anyone.' she said quietly and he sighed as he realised his mistake. He handed her a gown with the instructions to put it on before drawing the curtains around her and returning to Hanssen at the nurse's station.

'She's something, isn't she.' Lofty said to Hanssen who pretended to be absorbed in another patient's notes.

'Hmm?' he asked.

'Hannah? I mean, I'm a little worried. Do you think it could be related to drugs? I noticed old track marks on her arm.' he said and Hanssen looked up at him.

'We'll know more once we get the results of the blood test. If it is drug related then we'll find the issue and deal with it.' he said and Lofty bowed his head.

'Right, sorry. I'll go and sort those bloods then.' he said and disappeared, leaving Hanssen to go over the notes. The more Hanssen tried to put Hannah from his mind the more a niggling feeling worked at the back of his mind. He couldn't help but feel like there was more to her story and he knew that it wasn't his place to investigate it but he couldn't help but feel like he should try and make more of an impact where he could.

He watched as Lofty drew back the curtains on Hannah's bay and he observed her face as he took her bloods. She corrected his placement of the cannula and seemed to be genuinely knowledgable about medical terms. Hanssen couldn't help but wonder what had caused her to leave the path of becoming a surgeon, and what had happened to her since.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Throughout the day Hanssen kept as close an eye as he could on Hannah Wilde. She had an apparent disdain for everyone and everything and eventually was moved around the corner to a place which was slightly more private since she was causing distress to other patient's. It crossed Hanssen's mind that she was faking it and was there for the pain relief since he often caught her on her phone, texting someone ardently and when he, or anyone else, tried to ask her about it she brushed it off suddenly and got defensive.

Lofty tried to strike up conversation with her and when he failed Dom stepped in to try, he managed to get a little more out of her but as soon as he started asking questions she clammed up again. Hanssen eventually became distracted by other patients as he became increasingly convinced that she was faking her symptoms for the free medicine which would give her the fix she wanted and then she would take off again only to be presented in a week or so with the same symptoms. He had seen this kind of case a million times before and it annoyed him. She clearly wanted to be anywhere but there so he was determined to make her wait, at least until the results of her tests came back.

Hanssen found himself confined to either the nurse's desk or his office as he worked on clearing the small backlog of paperwork which had built up over the day as his shift was hitting the three-quarter mark. Dom and Sacha were going on their lunch break which left Hanssen largely understaffed and, since he was mainly confined to his paperwork, the ward became quiet in the afternoon hours.

Hanssen soon lost himself in his focus on the paperwork and time slipped away from him, he didn't even notice as Lofty approached the desk and held out the results of a blood test to him.

'Hannah Wilde's blood test results, thought you'd like them first and foremost.' Lofty told him and Hanssen blinked a couple of times to clear his eyes from the fog of the computer screen before taking the results and scanning them quickly.

'She's tested positive for Coeliac's disease.' he concluded and Lofty nodded.

'Do you think she just ate something bad and that's what's causing the pain?' he asked and Hanssen gave a small nod without confirming anything.

'That seems like one explanation, possibly combined with some kind of substance abuse.' he said and Lofty shook his head.

'Her urine results came back clean, she's not taken anything.' he informed him and Hanssen raised his eyebrows in surprise.

'Well then, I suppose we'd better return to the intolerance diagnosis. I'll go and speak to her after I've finished this paperwork. Perhaps in the meantime you could repeat her obs and report back to me any abnormalities?' Hanssen suggested and Lofty nodded his consent before leaving to do his rounds.

Hannah was at the end of Lofty's list and since she was now around the corner he didn't have any reason to suspect that something was wrong. The ultrasound hadn't arrived from more pressing patient's yet so she hadn't had that test yet and her obs had been hourly. Lofty rounded the corner whilst looking down at his hands as he washed them with steriliser and he gave her a smile as he took her notes out of the end of her bed without really noticing her.

'Hello Hannah, how are you...?' he trailed off as he looked up at her. She was writhing slightly in pain and tears were in her eyes with a film of perspiration coated her forehead.

'Hannah?' he called and she sobbed slightly and clutched at her stomach.

'I don't feel good.' she said as she struggled to breathe, she was clearly panicking which was aggravating her situation.

'Mr Hanssen!' Lofty called as he hurriedly threw down her notes again and came to her side, he put the back of his hand to her forehead, he didn't need a thermometer to see that she was burning up. She was shaking slightly, it looked like she was coming down off of a high but her results had been clean.

'What's going on?' Hanssen asked as he rounded the corner and kept his calm as he approached Hannah's side and looked over her obs for himself.

'I don't know, she was fine last time I checked.' Lofty said as he took Hannah's shoulders. 'Just breathe Hannah, you're having a panic attack and it's not helping, just keep nice and calm.' he added and she looked at him and tried really hard to control her breathing and take deeper breaths.

'What's happening to me?' she asked as she managed to calm a little but her symptoms didn't alleviate and she was still clearly in a lot of pain.

'Is there anything you haven't told us? Anything at all?' Lofty asked as Hanssen returned his attention to her abdomen and began to feel it again to check for any distension but there was still nothing obvious. As she stretched back out to allow him access to her stomach her face suddenly lost all it's colour and she went deathly pale.

'Miss Wilde?' Hanssen asked as he moved away from her abdomen but Hannah had lost consciousness. She paused for a moment and went completely rigid before suddenly seizing and Hanssen and Lofty worked quickly to lower the bed down and Hanssen took her head between his hands to ensure she didn't injure herself whilst Lofty removed any wires and equipment that could injure her further throughout her seizure.

'Let's get her five milligrams of diazepam, please.' Hanssen instructed as he kept a hand on the back of Hannah's neck, utilising the other to help hold her arm so Lofty could administer the drug. Once it was in her system she continued to fit for a few more seconds before she calmed down and her spasmodic movements stopped.

Hanssen and Lofty didn't move from her bedside, they barely spoke as they waited for Hannah to come back around. She took a sudden deep breath and her eyes opened again and were immediately full of tears, her make up streaked down her cheeks.

'Miss Wilde?' Hanssen asked, his hand still securely at the back of her neck; her eyes were still glazed over and she seemed confused like she didn't know where she was. Once her eyes rested on him she seemed to remember and she began to breathe heavily as panic set in.

'What, what happened?' she asked breathlessly and he moved his other hand to her opposite shoulder, he wanted to keep her calm.

'Miss Wilde you need to remain calm, you've just had a seizure, it's going to be alright.' he told her calmly before turning to Lofty. 'Will you please page Ms Macmillan, we need to find out what caused the seizure.'

'Of course.' Lofty said and moved back towards the nurse's station to fulfil Hanssen's request.

'I think I'm going to be sick...' Hannah said in a small voice and Hanssen had just enough time to grab her a sick bowl before she retched violently, hunching over herself and bending double as she vomited into the bowl. Hanssen held her hair out of the way as she did so, and as he did he noticed how pronounced her spine was down her back, along with a series of scars across her back. She clearly wasn't just starving but she had been subject to abuse of some kind. He took a deep breath and made a mental note to call the police.

He fetched her some water to rinse her mouth out with and then she drank in sips but Hanssen made a note to Lofty once he returned that he wanted to give her some fluids as well.

'Miss Wilde, have you suffered any kind of head injury in your life?' he asked and she shook her head. She still looked pale and she was shaking slightly but the panic attack seemed to have passed, she now just seemed exhausted.

'Will you please call me Hannah.' she requested in a voice barely above a whisper. She was so different to the fiery, fiesty girl Hanssen had met only that morning. Now, as she lay back against the pillow, she was so small and fragile that Hanssen could really see that there was something wrong and he needed to work to get to the bottom of it before it progressed into something more dangerous.

'Hannah, have you ever had a seizure before?' he asked and she shrugged slightly but looked ashamed of herself.

'Maybe once or twice, I don't know, sometimes the pain just gets so bad and I sort of black out.' she told him and he nodded slightly.

'Alright, well I'm going to ask a colleague from neurology to come and review your case so we can find out the cause of this. You really should have told us before, as a medical student you must know that.' he said and Hannah looked like she was struggling to stay awake.

'In the meantime, try and get some rest and we'll keep an eye on you.' Lofty interjected before Hanssen's harsh words could cause any more damage.

Lofty and Hanssen moved away as Hannah slipped back into her sleep.

'Give her five milligrams of morphine so she can rest without her pain interrupting her, also keep up her fluids and fifteen minutes observations please, Nurse Chiltern. I'm going to chase up that ultrasound.' Hanssen instructed and Lofty nodded before leaving to fulfil the requests.

Hanssen sat down at the nurse's station once again and picked up the phone to fulfil his own duties but he was distracted. He had been wrong about Hannah and her condition and he felt guilty about that. He questioned himself especially in his approach to Hannah and wondered how much more there really was to her story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Hannah slept for most of the day and when she was awake she was in so much pain that she couldn't bear to eat anything. Henrik did what he could for her but he didn't know how to get to the root of the problem. He gave her codeine and when that didn't work he gave her morphine and that seemed to abate the pain for a few hours but it wore off soon. She was taken for her ultrasound but it didn't show any obvious issues and Hanssen was now fixated on solving the problems behind her seizures.

Roxanna wasn't due to start her shift for a couple of hours but as soon as she came in Henrik tracked her down and caught up to her in her office where she was reviewing her cases for the day.

'I was wondering if I might have a moment to ask a favour?' he asked and she gave him a warm smile and gestured for him to go on.

'I have a patient, Hannah Wilde, she's twenty-four years old and presenting with severe abdominal pain but is also suffering from seizures as a result of this pain. I don't know whether the pain is being caused by the neurological condition or vice versa, but I was hoping you might take a look at her notes and possibly give her an examination?' Henrik asked and Roxanna nodded with a smile.

'Of course, I would be happy to.' she said and made to return to her notes but Henrik wavered which made her look up again as he seemed to want to ask her more.

'Is there anything else, Henrik?' she asked and Henrik thought for a moment. An image flashed into his head of the scars on Hannah's back, the way she looked so pale and gaunt lying against her pillow and then he remembered the fiesty, fiery girl he had met when she had first been admitted to the ward. He didn't know why, but he felt a sudden connection to this girl, the kind of connection a doctor has with a patient only every so often; he was protective of her, he wanted to see her get better because he knew that it would be something he would remember throughout the rest of his career, a really rewarding moment.

'I was hoping you might make her a priority? She's been suffering a lot and I want to make sure she receives the best possible care.' he said quietly and Roxanna smiled at him again. She knew what he was feeling, she understood the link he had to her as a special patient and she was happy to help.

'Of course, give me five minutes and I'll come and find you.' she promised and he nodded his thanks before leaving the office and heading to the nurse's station to find Hannah's notes for Roxanna.

True to her word, Roxanna came to find him soon after and quickly skimmed Hannah's notes whilst sitting at the desk, Hanssen watched Hannah talking to Lofty and thought he saw a hint of her fieriness returning to her which gave him hope, she'd just had a top up of her morphine.

'Alright.' Roxanna said, picking up the notes and joining Henrik once she was done. 'Let's go meet Hannah.'

Hanssen took her over to Hannah who was telling Lofty a story about a time when she was drunk and woke up half in a river near the edge of Holby and had to walk seven miles home. The story was serious and Hanssen disapproved but they way Hannah was telling it in her dry, clipped way had Lofty laughing even though he also knew the dangers of such a night. Hanssen had to admit, she had a certain charisma about her and he could see how she would make a good doctor.

'Miss Wilde.' he got her attention as Lofty finished his obs and Hannah turned to him and Roxanna and she began to look nervous at the newcomer.

'I thought we agreed it was Hannah, Mr. Hanssen.' she said, obviously trying to keep her tone light but there was an element of underlying anxiety behind it.

'My apologies, Hannah, this is Ms Macmillan.' he introduced her and Roxanna gave Hannah one of her most comforting smiles.

'Roxanna, please, Henrik.' she scolded him gently and Hannah seemed to relax slightly as she observed the newcomer with trepidation. Hanssen watched her curiously.

Roxanna presented no threat, in fact she was usually one of the doctors who put patient's at ease quickly. She was friendly and sweet and people usually found no issue with her, but still Hannah seemed to be on her guard as she tried to work out whether she could trust her or not and things weren't looking to be in Roxanna's favour.

'I'm a neurologist and I just wanted to see if we could get to the bottom of these seizures?' she suggested and produced a stethoscope. She placed it on her chest and listened to her heart and with every passing moment Hannah grew more and more visibly uncomfortable.

'Could you just lean forward for me? I just want to check all the main bits first, heart and lungs, so we can rule all that out.' Roxanna asked and Hannah looked at her in fear before looking around at the others. She suddenly felt like her bed was crowded in the small, curtained cubicle, she felt like she couldn't breathe and she shook her head.

'No. No I don't want this anymore.' she said defiantly but stubbornly. For a moment Hanssen thought she was going to cry and was surprised but then he saw the fear in her eyes replaced with fire and he knew that her defences had gone up and it would take a lot to bring them back down.

'Hannah we just want to get to the bottom of what's hurting you.' Lofty explained gently and tried to touch her arm comfortingly but she wrenched it away, accidentally hitting Roxanna who was stood on the other side of her bed but she offered no apology as Roxanna stepped back, rubbing her newly bruised arm in shock.

'Miss Wilde we cannot offer you the best possible care if you refuse to comply with us...' Hanssen began but she cut him off quickly.

'My name is Hannah!' she yelled and all three doctors knew that they weren't going to get anything more from her for the time being.

She collapsed back against her pillow and gritted her teeth as the pain intensified again. Henrik pushed past Roxanna gently and came to Hannah's side as she closed her eyes and fought to remain conscious.

'Hannah?' he asked, concern tinging his voice, but she was oblivious to everything except the pain. Henrik took her arm and felt her pulse, it was slow and thready and getting slower and he knew the direction this was heading.

'She's going to have another seizure.' he said and Lofty launched into action, into the routine the three of them knew well by this point. Hanssen placed a hand behind her neck as she lost consciousness and Lofty injected the morphine and anti-seizure drugs. She was barely seizing for a minute before she came back around again with a few slow, deep breaths. The fear had edged off now she was more used to it and she was simply exhausted and in pain. Roxanna watched and made mental notes as she racked her brains for some kind of diagnosis.

Hanssen kept his hand on the back of her neck until she opened her eyes again which were filled with tears. He spoke soothingly to her.

'It's alright, we're here, it's alright.' he said slowly and she looked up at him with uncertainty. He could see that she was struggling to overcome her fear of trusting people, he understood that it probably took a lot for her to trust someone judging by the scars on her back. She studied him for a few moments as the morphine began to set in and then Lofty injected a sedative to help her sleep. Hanssen kept a hold of her hand as she drifted off and for a moment he thought he saw a glimmer of trust in her eyes and he thought he felt her fingers flutter against his wrist slightly - like she was reaching out to him.

Once they were contented that Hannah was sleeping off the effects of her seizure, Lofty added the event to her notes and Roxanna and Hanssen moved back to the office.

'She's certainly an interesting young lady.' Roxanna commented and Hanssen nodded, shutting the door behind them and sitting down slowly with a sigh, she could see that he was busy thinking about something, most likely Hannah.

'Do you have any ideas?' he asked her and she let out a deep breath.

'Ideally I need to run more tests, but there's certainly something there related to the pain she's experiencing. Some kind of sensory overload, perhaps?' she asked and Hanssen looked up suddenly.

'Her pulse was weak and thready, her blood pressure dropped drastically right before the attack.' he commented and Roxanna considered.

'Vasovagal syncopy?' she suggested and Hanssen nodded. The pair of them remained silent for a moment before Roxanna came and slowly sat beside him.

'I noticed something else in her notes, Henrik.' she said and he looked up at her with a questioning look, encouraging her to go on. 'I noticed that she has a history of drug abuse.' she said and Hanssen nodded, not understanding the relevance.

'Her tox screens were clear, this isn't a drug related illness.' he replied.

'Yes, I know. But how much pain relief has she been given?' she asked and he froze, he hadn't even considered that he might be enabling a bad habit.

'She's in a lot of pain - she says the morphine hasn't been touching it.' he said and Roxanna didn't say anything but raised an eyebrow. Hanssen sighed and looked down as he really realised his mistake.

'Right, well, I think we need to get to the bottom of her condition so that we can remove her from this ward as soon as possible.' he said curtly and Roxanna knew that he was disappointed in both himself and his patient.

'I'm not saying stop giving her the pain relief, Henrik, please don't think that she's not in any pain.' she justified, 'I'm just saying keep an eye on her. There might be more that meets the eye in this case.'

Hanssen looked at her for a moment before giving her a small smile and getting up to leave. As he passed Hannah's bed he looked at her sleeping face and wondered if she had been playing him all along just to get access to the drugs. He wondered how much pain she was really in and what the cause of her seizures really were. He had been so caught up in trying to get her to trust him that he'd not stopped for a moment to consider whether he could really trust her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Two days passed and Hannah didn't move from her bed on the ward. The pain relief was amped up to match her pain but Hanssen kept a close eye on her to make sure it was all legitimate, he didn't know whether he had just gotten too close to the case now or whether she really was in that amount of pain. He was running out of ideas and Roxanna was equally as stumped, Hannah's chances of walking out of there were looking slimmer every day. The seizures became almost regular, a minimum of two a day whenever the pain got too bad but Hannah dreaded them equally as much and was terrified every time she woke up.

Hanssen was there every single time she passed out, he made sure that his was the first face she saw when she opened her eyes and gradually that look of trust was there and she relaxed in her attitude towards him. In truth, she was just too exhausted to fight back anymore and he could see it. She couldn't stomach any food and she would possibly have to be rushed into theatre at any moment so she was on a drip and at this stage Hanssen was considering performing surgery just to see if he could find the cause of the pain.

He spent his breaks either sitting and talking with her or reading through her notes, other patients came and went and he gave them their due attention but no case was as important to him as Hannah Wilde's. He knew that he was close to the case, that he had grown attached to the girl lying in the bed. He'd gotten to know her and a little about her life over the couple of days she had been there.

She told him about how her parents had died when she was young and she had bounced around from foster home to foster home but she's always acted up or not fitted in in some way. From the way she talked about this life, Hanssen didn't doubt that she had seen her fair share of abuse in these homes. He was proud of how she had managed to earn the grades and push herself hard enough to get into medical school, he never learned why she dropped out or how she ended up in the position she was currently in. She was sketchy with the details but he learned that she had led a hard life and that she was incredibly resilient.

In the moments when he was honest with himself he knew he was trying to find a way that he could replace Fredrik and he knew that taking this girl under his wing wasn't a necessarily healthy way of doing that. At the same time, however, he couldn't help it. She seemed to draw him to her and he grew to find her conversation interesting, he wanted to be her friend as well as her doctor. She didn't look like she'd had a friend to look out for her in a long time.

It was lunchtime of the third day of her hospital stay and she was gazing longingly at the patient in the bed next to hers eating a sandwich when Hanssen approached.

'You're hungry?' he asked and she looked at him for a moment before turning her head back to the sandwich.

'God yeah, starving.' she said and he smiled as he picked up her notes. The nurse's rarely did her obs anymore, he usually did them himself.

'As soon as we find out what's wrong and fix it I'll make sure to personally get you a proper meal. Not just a sandwich, something a little more substantial. A roast dinner, perhaps?' he suggested and she looked at him with longing in her eyes.

'With roast potatoes and carrots?' she asked and he smiled.

'Most likely.' he replied.

'And Yorkshire puddings?' she asked and he raised an eyebrow.

'Now you might be pushing it.' he commented and she laughed before grimacing in pain as a reaction. She clutched her side and took a couple of deep breaths as Hanssen put her notes back quickly and came to her side, ready to assist her should she need him.

'I'm okay...' she assured him in a small voice but her bright eyes were gone and Hanssen was worried all the same. He stood with her, holding her hand and helping her breathe through the pain as he called over Essie and instructed her to fetch more morphine for Hannah. Once the drugs were injected he stroked some hair back from her face and made sure she was comfortable as she drifted off into a doze.

He didn't see that John Gaskell stood and watched the entire thing with a concerned gaze. He waited for Hanssen to come away from Hannah before he approached him and nodded to her bedside.

'She's been in here a few days now, no?' he asked and Hanssen nodded, picking up another patient's file as he intended to continue his rounds.

'Yes, Miss Wilde. Roxanna and I are working on her case.' he said, not looking up but John looked between the two of them.

'You looked to be quite invested in her case.' he commented and Hanssen looked up at him in surprise.

'I'm simply reassuring her that she's safe and ensuring she trusts me. She doesn't have any family, you see.' he said and John nodded as Hanssen turned back to the notes.

'Roxanna's treating her? So there's a neuro condition?' he asked.

'Yes, she's presenting with seizures as a reaction to pain stimuli.' he informed him and John held out a hand.

'Mind if I take a look?' he asked and Hanssen looked up at him and then over at Hannah as she slept. For some reason he felt very protective of Hannah, he had a strange, bad feeling about letting John join in the case. He trusted Roxanna with Hannah but for some reason he didn't want John to be a part of the case. He didn't have a good reason to deny him access though so he gestured to her with a tight smile.

'Of course, be my guest. She has a cardio consultant coming down in about an hour but if you wanted to take a look before then, please go ahead.' he said and snapped the file he was reading shut. He expected John to wait for Hannah to wake up but he strode over immediately and picked up her file, beginning to skim through it.

Hanssen watched him from a distance, growing tense as he felt like he was giving her up to John even though he knew that he was still the lead consultant on her case. He was called away to another patient and forced to leave her to John who was trying to gently wake her up and ask her a few questions.

She opened her eyes groggily as John pulled the curtains around her cubicle and she looked at him, immediately putting her guard up.

'Are you the cardio consult?' she asked in a firm tone, her defences waking her up and making her more alert.

'No, no I'm Professor John Gaskell, I'm a neurologist.' he said and her eyes widened slightly as she recognised his name.

'Like, _the_ John Gaskell?' she asked, propping herself up slightly on her pillow and trying to ignore the pain shooting through her abdomen.

'You've heard of me?' he asked with a smile, trying to make her feel more at ease.

'I'm a big fan. I mean, I was when I was still studying medicine at the university. I read one of your papers and fell in love with neuro, I was legit considering becoming a neurologist because of you.' she explained quickly and he laughed slightly but she wasn't done. 'Honestly, I wrote a review of one of your papers and it was the first and only time I ever got a first in something. I'm a little bit star-struck.' she concluded and he laughed again, coming back to stand beside her.

'Well perhaps once we get you feeling better you and I can sit down and have a proper chat? I'd love to hear about the thoughts that got you a first?' he suggested and she blushed deeply at the thought. She smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

'That would be amazing.' she said and he laughed again and looked back down at her notes before growing more relaxed and facing her.

'So, can you tell me a little bit about these seizures you've been having.?' he asked and she sunk back into the pillow a little and shrugged, casting her eyes down.

'I don't know really, they kind of come on when the pain's at its worst. My vision goes all funny and then I just black out, I don't know what happens but I know that when I wake up from it Im just super tired and have to sleep.' she explained and he nodded and moved forward, retrieving his pen torch.

'Do you mind?' he asked and she shook her head, letting him check her eyes and then her abdomen for a source of the pain. He then put a hand to her forehead.

'You're a little warm...' he commented and she shrugged.

'I've been lying here for ages, maybe it's just hot in here?' she suggested and he nodded.

'I'm going to order some more tests, an MRI and an EEG.' he informed her and she nodded. 'In the meantime we'll regulate your pain relief and then go from there. Okay?' he asked and she nodded a little uncertainly.

'Great.' he smiled and made to leave as she nestled back down into the pillows. He turned back suddenly and came back to her side. 'Actually, it would really help if I could witness one of these attacks first-hand, how would you feel if we tried to induce one?' he asked and she went pale.

'I mean... if you think it would help?' she asked and he nodded.

'As you probably know, there are a lot of possible different types of seizure so I need to witness it to tell which type it is and therefore what it's caused by.' he explained but she still looked frightened. 'We'll stop your pain relief and I'll stick close by, when you feel like one is coming on just let someone know and I'll come straight away. Don't worry, you'll be perfectly safe.' he assured her.

He wrote up the necessary instructions and kept her curtains drawn in case an attack came on quickly. He didn't inform anyone else other than Lofty and Dom who he enlisted to help him if Hannah did have an attack.

Hanssen was called down to AAU to consult on a case there, he was unwilling to leave Hannah but he trusted that she was safe in John's hands and he wouldn't be far away if something did happen.

An hour passed and Hannah grew more distressed as the sudden lack of drugs affected her system just as much as the pain. John was able to see as she slowly deteriorated and he did feel guilty about putting her through this. As she began to grow worse he stayed by her bedside and tried to get her to explain her symptoms to him but she could hardly talk for the pain.

'I don't want to do this anymore...' she gasped suddenly almost convulsing with the pain and John put a hand out to her forehead, stroking away the hair as he had seen Henrik do. He discreetly took her temperature and she was significantly warmer than she should have been, he put a hand on the back of her head and motioned for Lofty who was close by to join him.

'It's alright Hannah, you're safe, I'm right here.' he said softly as she sobbed and Lofty looked shocked as he approached.

'Should I get the pain relief?' he asked, uncertain as to why John would be putting her through this amount of pain on purpose when she was clearly in distress.

'No, hang on.' he instructed and Lofty grimaced as Hannah sobbed.

'You're alright Hannah, just let go, that's right...' John said softly, leaning in close as her face took on the deathly paleness that Lofty knew well. He took her arm in preparation to administer the drugs that would help bring her around as she slipped into unconsciousness. John studied her as he held the back of her neck and her body seized. He let it go on for half a minute before he nodded to Lofty who administered the drugs quickly and Hannah's sporadic movements slowed slightly.

She slowly began to regain consciousness as Hanssen re-entered the ward. As her eyes opened and her breathing quickened and she looked around, frightened as tears came to her eyes and poured down her cheeks.

'Henrik... Where's Henrik?' she asked in a raspy voice as the panic set in and John and Lofty tried to calm her but she was crying loudly. Hanssen heard his name and rushed to the cubicle where he saw what had happened and he crossed quickly to Hannah's side. She pushed John and Lofty away as he approached and he leaned down to comfort her and calm her so that she could sleep again.

John watched with concern as Henrik leaned over her and she clung to him, sobbing. He understood perfectly when doctors became attached to certain patient's but he had seen Hannah's notes and he was worried that she would do more harm to Henrik than good.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Once Hannah had fallen asleep again and her pain relief had been reinstated John requested meeting Henrik in his office but was surprised when his friend turned on him first.

'Did you induce a seizure in Hannah Wilde by withholding pain relief?' he asked and John was taken aback.

'I needed to see one of her attacks myself.' he justified in his cool, calm tone and was surprised to see Henrik angry. 'You understand why it was necessary?' he asked and Henrik took a deep breath.

'I do not approve of causing patient's harm.' he said coldly and John raised an eyebrow.

'I needed to do it in order to give her the best diagnosis and therefore the best treatment. It was a quicker route than waiting for one to occur naturally.' he said but Hanssen was angry.

'She is terrified of every attack she has to go through, the physical damage may be temporary but the psychological implications become even more embedded with every attack.' he said quickly and John sighed.

'To tell you the truth Henrik, I'm a little concerned that you've become a little too invested in this case.' he retorted and Henrik was momentarily stunned into silence. He paused for a second before recollecting himself and taking a step forward.

'She is a very frightened young lady with no family in the world and I am her doctor. It is my duty to ensure that she feels safe and trusts me.' he explained smoothly.

'And that involved enabling a drug addiction?' John asked, once again shocking Hanssen into silence. 'I've read her notes and I know her history. She should not be prescribed morphine.'

'You've seen the level of pain she's experiencing!' Hanssen responded.

'But you didn't even attempt to address it with codeine or even paracetamol. I'm just saying that, for all we know, the morphine could be the thing behind the seizures after all.' he explained and Hanssen stopped, he hadn't considered that. He had been so wrapped up in trying to tie everything together that he hadn't stopped to think that by trying to help one aspect of things he could be making the other worse.

'Henrik...' John continued quietly, 'I'm not saying cut off her pain relief completely, but I think you should attempt to wean her from the drugs. In the meantime I'm going to order more tests to look into whether there is a neurological condition there, but I think we'll know more once we rule out the morphine completely.' he said quietly and Hanssen couldn't respond.

John stayed for a moment more before sighing and leaving the room, he had said everything he needed to say.

Henrik spent the majority of the afternoon in thought about Hannah but instructed for the morphine to be reduced and slowly replaced with IV paracetamol instead. She didn't have another seizure but the pain appeared to grow worse with the less morphine she was given and she required another sedative to help her sleep for a couple of hours and rest.

As the sun began to set and the lights began to turn on, Henrik returned to her bedside and reviewed her notes as she was waking up. She coughed a little and he helped her to sip a little water but she couldn't stomach much and lay back on her pillow still exhausted and grimacing in pain as he continued to review her notes.

'It's not like you to be so quiet.' she commented quietly as he made a note of her current sats and placed her file back in the slot at the end of her bed.

'Apologies, it's been a long day.' he said and then gave her a small smile as he came to her side. 'How are you feeling?' he asked and she grimaced again.

'It hurts, a lot.' she admitted and he believed her.

'Yes, well, we're currently transitioning you off of morphine onto paracetamol so it may take you a little while to feel the full effects.' he informed her and she looked confused.

'Why?' she asked.

'Well, some of my colleagues raised concerns to me that, given your personal history, perhaps morphine wasn't the best solution for you at this time.' he told her honestly and her face cleared before falling as tears of betrayal came to her eyes. She looked straight up at the ceiling and shook her head slightly.

'Unbelievable.' she muttered and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to remain calm as her doctor, he reminded himself that this was his role after all.

'I'm sure you understand the necessity, given current circumstances...' he continued but she cut him off, sitting up and gritting her teeth through the pain as her anger won her over.

'So you think I'm faking all this to get a hit, is that it?' she asked and he shook his head and tried to explain himself and the reasons but she shook her head and refused to let him continue.

'I don't believe this. I trusted you but in the end you're just the same as everyone else, judging me because of who I am, because of some mistakes I made in the past. Well, you know what? I don't need to be here. Whatever.' she said as she swung her arms out of the bed and made to pull the cannula from her hand which began to bleed as she climbed out of the bed.

Henrik rushed around the side of the bed to the other side where she was getting out and standing up.

'Miss Wilde I must insist you remain in bed...' he said but she took a step and suddenly screamed in pain, doubling over. He rushed forward and caught her before she fell to the floor but she was limp in his arms and he knew that something was seriously wrong.

'Can I get some help please!' he called as he turned her and cradled her on one arm so he could see her face. He touched her forehead, she was burning up. Dom and Lofty both burst in as Hanssen returned his attention to Hannah's abdomen, sure enough it was showing signs of retention.

The other two men helped lift Hannah back onto the bed but Hanssen knew the issue now.

'Prep her for theatre please, we're taking her in now.' he instructed and went to change and get ready himself.

'We don't know what the problem is, though?' Dom asked, hurrying behind him.

'She has appendicitis.' Hanssen confirmed and Dom was confused.

'I thought you ruled out appendicitis?' he asked and Hanssen stopped.

'There's something else wrong, it's been masking the symptoms but this may be the cause of the abdominal pain and therefore it needs to be addressed before we can deal with any other problems.' he said and left Dom to get ready to assist.

When they got into theatre Hanssen was racking his brains, trying to think about how he could possibly have missed something like this. He entered the theatre where Dom was waiting and looked down at Hannah's face. He could admit it to himself now, he had formed a personal attachment to her and he knew that it was probably not best that he was the one operating on her but he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it if it was anyone else.

'Let's begin.' he said and turned his attention to her exposed abdomen. The first thing he noticed was the bruising and scarring scattered across her abdomen. It was clear that she had experienced some kind of assault which she had withheld from them and he was surprised that, once again he had missed something like this.

'It looks like whatever's been causing her pain has been exacerbated by this beating?' Dom suggested and Hanssen couldn't say anything, he simply nodded before beginning the procedure. They worked in silence, only speaking when they absolutely needed to, Dom wasn't stupid he knew that Hannah meant something to Hanssen and after everything the consultant had been through in the past few months he didn't know how he would react to losing the girl he had attached himself to.

The appendix was inflamed to such a degree that it was close to bursting and Dom wondered how they had all missed it.

'This has been exacerbated by something certainly...' Hanssen said quietly and Dom studied it a little more closely as he tried to recall when he had seen something like this before.

'I've never seen it look like this.' Hanssen admitted and the memory slotted into Dom's brain.

'I have.' he said and then looked up at Henrik with sad eyes over his surgical mask. 'I've only seen it once, it was in a patient who had been...' he trailed off, not wanting to complete the sentence.

'What? Mr Copeland we need to know in order to treat her effectively.' he instructed and Dom sighed and looked down.

'She had been sexually assaulted, repeatedly.' he finished and Hanssen looked down suddenly at Hannah's face and wondered if this had been her fate. It made sense as to why she was so guarded and didn't trust people, especially other men. Hanssen sighed and fought back his own emotions as he felt a pain in his chest which ached with sympathy for the girl. He instructed Dom to close up and left the theatre quickly, he needed to get away from the sight of her; he needed to get away from everyone.

He managed to get to his office before his emotions got the better of him and his legs gave out. He slid into the closest chair as his body shook and tears sped down his cheeks. He had only ever experienced this kind of emotion a few times in his life, once was after the death of Fredrik. He knew that his protectiveness of Hannah was dangerous and he ought to remove himself from the case but the thought that she had been sexually assaulted made him sick to his stomach and he knew that no matter how much he tried to reason with himself he wouldn't be able to distance himself from this case now.

Dom knew that Hanssen would be struggling with this news and so gave him a little while before he tentatively knocked on the door of the office. Hanssen had managed to regain some of his composure but was still obviously shaken when Dom came in and shut the door behind him.

'Hannah's in the recovery room.' he told him and Hanssen nodded, not able to meet Dom's eye.

'We need to call the police.' he said firmly and stood up suddenly with the intention of going to the phone but Dom darted out in front of him.

'I think we should wait until Hannah wakes up first, give her the chance to tell us what happened before we freak her out with the police. I mean this happened because she didn't think you trusted her, right? Let's show her that we do trust her and she might just trust us back.' he said slowly and Hanssen knew that he was right. If Hannah saw the police then she would panic and she would never trust him again.

'Alright.' he said quietly and took a deep breath. 'Let me go and get changed and then I'll come and see her.' he said and Dom nodded.

'I'll make sure that yours is the first face she sees when she wakes up.' he said and Hanssen gave him a thankful smile.

'Thank you, Mr Copeland.' he said and Dom nodded before leaving Hanssen to gather himself again and change. Hanssen didn't allow himself too long to get caught up in his emotions again and instead went and changed quickly before going to the recovery room where Lofty was getting ready to wake Hannah up.

'Are you ready?' he asked Hanssen who nodded stiffly and wondered what on Earth he was going to say to her.

They waited for a few minutes as the sedative slowly wore off and Hannah came around. She was groggy at first and Lofty carefully monitored her sats to ensure that she was within the safe zone but she quickly became more aware as she looked between Henrik and Dom.

'What happened?' she asked in a raspy voice and Lofty helped her with some water.

'We had to rush you into theatre, your appendix was severely inflamed and close to bursting.' Henrik explained slowly as Lofty moved back to stand beside Dom.

'So it was all my appendix after all?' she asked before smiling slightly. 'I guess it's a good thing I didn't start my F1 rotation, looks like I'd make a rubbish doctor.' she joked and they couldn't help but smile.

'Not quite, we think that you have other, underlying medical conditions which have masked the appendicitis.' he explained and she sighed.

'Great, so I'm not getting out of here anytime soon then?'

'No. Another thing...' Hanssen began and Dom tensed as he prepared himself to jump in and help if necessary, Hanssen didn't always have the most tact when it came to these kind of subjects.

'Go on.' Hannah said in her croaky voice.

'Your condition appeared to have been exacerbated by a traumatic event, or multiple traumatic events.' he said and Hannah looked confused so Dom came forward.

'We're just saying that this is a safe space, Hannah, and if something like this has happened to you then you need to tell us so we can get you the help you need.' he said and Hannah turned to him as her confusion began to turn to anger.

'What exactly do you think happened?' she asked in an icy tone and Dom looked to Hanssen who came forward, repressing his own emotions so he appeared more stern than he felt.

'We have reason to believe that you were sexually assaulted, multiple times.' he said and Hannah looked at him in disbelief as there was an uncomfortable silence.

'Jesus Christ... what is it with this place and making assumptions?' she asked angrily and Hanssen stepped forward, wishing he knew how to deal with this better without letting on that his own emotions were affected by the situation.

'We just wanted to give you a chance to tell us what happened before we called the police.' Dom told her softly but when she turned to him her eyes were blazing with anger and he was a little intimidated despite the angry tears which clogged her throat and spilled down her cheeks.

'The police?' she asked, struggling to get her words out through the lump in her throat.

'We don't mean to upset you...' Dom attempted but the look she gave him made him take a step back and Hanssen stepped in.

'We want to help you but we can't do so unless we have all the facts.' he said calmly and when Hannah turned to him his heart almost broke at the look of betrayal and anger in her eyes but he stood his ground.

'You want all the facts? Fine. Let me tell you my story. The reason I dropped out of medical school before starting my rotations was because I couldn't afford it. Just before I dropped out I got in contact with a guy and he offered me a job so I took it because there was nothing else I could do, I had no choice.' she explained and it dawned on Dom but Hanssen didn't understand.

'Oh God...' Dom muttered but nobody heard him except Lofty who had also worked it out.

'I live on the streets, I have done for the best part of a year and the only time I can get a bed is if I work... for him.' she said and could no longer meet Henrik's eye as she stared down at the sheets clenching her fists together as she let the tears flow freely.

'What kind of job?' he asked and Dom stepped forward again.

'Mr Hanssen...' he warned but Hannah was too emotionally broken to hold back now.

'I wasn't raped, I'm a prostitute.' she revealed and there was another shocked silence in the room, only broken by the sound of Hannah's sobs and the beeps of the machines recording her sats. Nobody knew what to say, nobody knew whether she needed comfort or whether she needed to be left alone to vent her own feelings. The only thing they could all agree on was that this wasn't a good thing for her to be experiencing straight after surgery.

Henrik watched her cry and he wished that he knew how to comfort her properly, he tried to forget that Dom and Lofty were there and he moved slowly towards her bed, placing a hand on her shoulder. It all made sense now, the signs of abuse, the depression and the drug addictions - it had all stemmed from this pimp who had forced her into this life and now she didn't know how to get her life back on track.

She didn't shake him off so he moved slowly to put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her gently towards him. She let him pull her to his chest and hold her lightly as she cried into his chest and Dom and Lofty watched with bated breath. They knew that this wasn't technically allowed, they also knew that Hannah could react badly but neither of them moved to intervene.

As he relaxed a little and gave into what felt natural Hanssen was able to comfort Hannah better until she was a little calmer and was able to sit back and drink a little water without needing his support. He stayed close though and Dom stayed even though Lofty had to go and see to other patients.

'Hannah...' Hanssen began gently, 'either way you have a very serious health condition and you need someone to take care of you. You need somewhere safe where you can go to recover.' he told her and she shook her head.

'I don't have anyone, I don't have anywhere I can go.' she told him honestly and he sighed, wishing he knew how he could help her more.

'Alright, for now we will focus on finding out what's wrong and treating it and we'll deal with anything else when we get there.' he suggested and she nodded, sniffing back her tears and allowing him to help nestle her back into her pillows.

'Try and get some rest.' he said gently and motioned to Dom to leave with him. Hannah settled back into her pillows, exhausted from the surgery and the tears and she looked out of the window, trying to quiet her mind and not succeeding very well. Hanssen paused before leaving and looked back at her, he wasn't sure how yet, but he knew that he would do everything he could to help her in any way that he possibly could.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Once her appendix was removed Hannah began to feel much better. Hanssen closely monitored her pain for the following couple of days to ensure that no infection took hold but everything seemed to be normal. She still experienced a little pain but that wasn't unusual and her doctors wrote it off as being a result of the surgery. For the first day everything seemed to be going according to plan, everything was good again. Then Hannah had another seizure.

They were unsure what brought it on but it reminded them that she still had a serious health condition which needed to be diagnosed and addressed. John took over the case and Hanssen reluctantly relinquished it. There was no way he was giving it up completely, especially as he began to see some of Hannah's bright and feisty personality return with her gradual recovery; but even he knew that John was better suited to this case now and he could give his input if it was required of him, otherwise he focused on being there as an emotional support for Hannah.

She still asked for him when she woke up and he still did his best to comfort her whilst racking his own brain to try and work out what was causing the seizures. The following day they expected the pain to subside a little but, if anything, it seemed to get worse and Henrik was worried again.

John made her a priority and ran every test he could think of but nothing was conclusive, meanwhile Hannah was continuing to have seizures and was reverting to looking as unwell as she had been before they had removed her appendix. Henrik was starting to worry that they had missed something vital, something that could easily be spotted and dealt with. It wasn't until John was running an EEG and Hannah had a seizure whilst still attached to the equipment. In the moment they were focused on getting her into a safe position and preventing any further damage and so John almost forgot to even check the results of this EEG.

He was dealing with another patient when the results came through and Roxanna was the one who caught sight of them. She scanned over them and felt a rush of excitement as she realised the problem. She hurried them to John when he was free and he agreed with her diagnosis and presented it to Henrik and Hannah together.

'Hannah,' John began with a smile and she looked at him hopefully, sensing some good news at last. 'I believe that you're experiencing a rare brain condition which allows for electrical leakage when you experience sensory overload. Technically, your seizures aren't actually a direct result of this condition but a combination of three things: the electrical leakage, a pain stimulus, and a severe case of low blood pressure. Hopefully, if we raise the blood pressure and eliminate the source of the pain, you should no longer pass out.' he explained slowly and Hannah smiled, Henrik was relieved.

'We're going to get a CT consult to come and take a look at you to confirm our suspicions about the blood pressure and then we'll work together to come up with a plan of action in managing your condition because it will have to be very closely monitored.' Roxanna told her and Hannah nodded.

'I'll do anything to stop the seizures.' she said emphatically. 'But what about the pain, what's causing that?' she asked and the two neuro-surgeons turned to Hanssen.

'That's what Henrik is going to find out.' Roxanna smiled and Hannah looked at him expectantly.

'I'll organise another ultrasound and a CT scan. We'll find out what's wrong, I promise.' he said and the three doctors left Hannah to rest, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she smiled to herself.

Later that afternoon Hannah's curtain was pulled back again and a young doctor entered wheeling an ultrasound machine. Hannah stared at her with narrowed eyes and once she realised that she was being stared at, the doctor returned her gaze but neither woman backed down.

'Your lipstick is called "black cherry".' Hannah said eventually and the doctor smiled a little.

'Top marks.' she replied.

'Nice accent, where are you from?' Hannah asked as the doctor came forward and began to listen to her heart before having her lean forward to listen to her back.

'Ukraine.' she replied.

'Nice, I've never been, always wanted to go though.' she commented brightly.

'You wouldn't like it.' the doctor replied curtly as she wrapped her stethoscope back around her neck.

'Why not?' Hannah asked, taking offence.

'It's cold, you need to be icy to get on well there.' she replied.

'Well maybe I am icy, like you?' Hannah responded, getting defensive as the doctor pushed her back onto the pillow gently and looked at her with a small smile.

'No, you are fire.' she said quietly and Hannah knew it was supposed to be a compliment and her offence dissipated.

'I'm Hannah.' she told her.

'I know.' she replied as she began to wrap a band around Hannah's arm to take her blood pressure.

'Isn't this the part where you're supposed to tell me your name?' she asked and the doctor smiled.

'Why would I want to ruin the mystery?' she asked and Hannah narrowed her eyes.

'How do I know you're not just some rando off the streets? I've never met a doctor who wears "black cherry" lipstick before.' Hannah tilted her chin in the air slightly and the doctor looked at her with a raised eyebrow at the childish move.

'Touché.' she responded as she put her stethoscope to Hannah's arm and listened for a moment. 'Petrenko, Frieda Petrenko.' she told her and turned back to the ultrasound machine to start setting it up.

'Nice to meet you Frieda Petrenko.' Hannah replied brightly and allowed Frieda to move her gown slightly to get access to her chest.

'The pleasure is all mine.' she replied drily as she finished setting up the machine. 'I feel I must tell you that your blood pressure and heart rate are very low so I'm going to check over your heart using the ultrasound just to make sure that there's nothing visibly wrong.' she said and Hannah nodded. Frieda began the procedure and Hannah watched her face intently.

'Are you trying to remember the names of the rest of my make up?' she asked and Hannah shook her head but didn't avert her gaze.

'No, just admiring. I never have enough time to do that much I wake up too late.' she said and Frieda smiled again. 'What's it like being a CT surgeon? I kind of liked the idea of it when I was in my final year but never got the chance to test out whether it really worked for me.' she commented and Frieda looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

'You're a doctor?' she asked and Hannah narrowed her eyes again.

'You are?' she retorted and Frieda laughed a little.

'Alright, the scan shows that everything is fine, it really is just a case of monitoring your blood pressure and keeping it raised. I'll get you a prescription of Fludrocortisone Acetate, 100 micrograms a day and increase the dosage if you pass out again.' she said and Hannah nodded, wiping the gel from her chest.

'Until next time then, Frieda Petrenko, it's been a pleasure.' Hannah smiled, holding out a hand and Frieda smiled and took it shaking it.

'Jesus you weren't kidding about being icy.' Hannah commented and Frieda laughed before starting to back away with the machine.

'Until next time, Hannah Wilde.' she gave her a small salute and Hannah settled back into her pillow with a smile, confident that she had just made a new friend.

In the meantime Henrik was sitting in his office, mulling Hannah's case over in his head and running through every possibility but nothing seemed to be adding up. He couldn't work out what was possibly wrong with her, everything had been disproved with the tests. He sighed and thought about how she was going to manage her conditions with her current way of living. He didn't like thinking about the kind of life Hannah was living, he didn't like to imagine her in those kind of situations now he had formed this attachment to her, but as he thought about the kind of life she lived he remembered the bruises he had found on her abdomen when they had taken her into surgery.

He questioned himself as to why none of them had noticed the bruising when they had examined her abdomen before. They had all seen her abdomen multiple times upon examination but the bruises hadn't formed properly until they had gotten her into surgery. He thought about it hard for a moment before standing up suddenly and making the resolution to get more answers, something told him that there was something more there.

As he exited the office he encountered Dom and called him to accompany him with Hannah. They approached her bedside where she was idly flicking through a book that had been lent to her by one of the nurses but she looked bored. She attempted a smile when the two men approached and greeted them warmly, laying aside the book.

'Any news?' she asked and Henrik jumped right into business.

'Hannah I would like to have another look at your abdomen, if that's alright?' he asked and Dom watched with curiosity. She nodded and pulled up her shirt so he could examine it. They were all stunned for a moment as, if anything, the bruising had grown worse in the past couple of days. It spread across her stomach but was still red and blue rather than having progressed into the yellowing stages.

'Tell me if this hurts, Hannah...' Hanssen said quietly and gently pressed on the centre of her stomach. She yelped in pain and Hanssen immediately knew what was wrong but he needed more information.

'How did you get this bruising?' he asked as he pulled her top back down over her stomach. She took a couple of deep breaths and looked between them uncertainly, her cheeks colouring slightly with shame.

'I took a beating a couple of weeks ago from Trav... my, uh, my boss.' she told them quietly before regaining some of her stubbornness and refusing to be judged. 'I thought it was all healed, I made sure everything was alright before I went back to work and everything, I'm not stupid.'

Hanssen shook his head, trying not to let his sympathy show as he knew she wouldn't react well to it.

'I believe you're bleeding internally, this isn't bruising.' he said and Hannah's eyes widened in shock.

'Surely any internal damage would have shown in the scans?' Dom asked but Hanssen shook his head slightly, refusing to meet either of their eyes.

'Not necessarily, it depends on where the placement of the damage is and how large.' he explained and Hannah went very pale as Hanssen finally looked up and met her eye. She was scared, he could see that, and it was his job to put her fears at ease.

'Now we know what the problem is, it can be easily fixed. There's a free theatre slot this afternoon, we'll take you in then.' he told her gently and she nodded but her fears didn't seem to be allayed. He gave Dom a nod to encourage him to leave which he did before Henrik took Hannah's hand and held it gently, she held him back tightly and he was proud to find that she wasn't ashamed of hiding her fear in front of him when she had been so guarded when they had first met, hardly a week ago.

'You'll do the surgery?' she asked and he nodded.

'I'll take good care of you, I promise.' he replied in a soft voice and she looked a little relieved.

'Don't let me die, Henrik.' she said and he gave her hand a squeeze.

'I don't think that you'd give up so easily.' he said and she smiled. 'Besides, we're not done with you yet, the world is waiting for a doctor like you.'

She gave him a smile in response and he saw that she was feeling better so gave her a few more words of encouragement before Lofty appeared to prep her for theatre so he left her to go and get ready himself.

Getting Hannah prepped and into theatre was the easy part, now they knew the problem it was easier for Henrik to reconcile himself to how he could help her exactly. He kept running through the surgery in his head, mentally preparing himself and trying to visualise the outcome just like his therapist had taught him to. He knew that unless he adopted this mode of thinking then his anxiety would take over everything.

He started by visualising the worst possible outcome. Hannah would die on the table and he would have to face up to the guilt of losing someone close to him all over again, once again it would be his fault and once again he would have to go through the whole mourning process. Then he imagined putting that particular outcome into a box and he put it to one side, yes it could happen but what was the real likelihood of it happening? No. He moved onto the best possible outcome. He fixed Hannah and helped her to manage her condition better. He got her out of her terrible life circumstances and helped her to succeed in becoming the best possible doctor she could become. This was the outcome he was aiming for.

He didn't know how much he would see her after she was discharged from the hospital, he didn't know if he would ever see her again after all of this was over, but he hoped that he could be a part of her life after this - he knew that he would consider himself lucky if she deigned to remain a part of his.

He took a deep breath and compartmentalised this outcome too. He set the two boxes beside one another in his brain and then he put them away. He couldn't get caught up in any outcomes right now, he needed to focus on the present, on helping Hannah.

He looked at her through the window as he scrubbed his hands and arms, she looked peaceful again as she slept. The anaesthetist was carefully monitoring her and making notes onto a pad of paper but Henrik knew that she was safe for now, he was glad that she wasn't in pain and he hoped she would never have to be in pain again after this surgery.

He was barely aware as Dom came in beside him and began to scrub in. Dom looked between Henrik and Hannah and noticed Henrik's preoccupation.

'Mr Hanssen...' he began slowly and Henrik snapped out of it and returned his attention to scrubbing in.

'Yes?' he asked curtly and Dom didn't dare look at him as he broached the subject.

'Are you sure you're alright to do this?' he asked.

'Why shouldn't I be?' he replied and Dom sighed.

'I just mean, don't you think you might be a bit close to Hannah's case? I know she means a lot to you.' he said softly, sneaking a glance up at his face to see where he stood.

'I'm her doctor, she's my patient, that's all there is.' he said and Dom didn't believe him but he also knew there was no use in arguing with him so he let the subject drop.

'Alright then, let's get to it.' he said and Henrik snuck one more glance at Hannah before the pair of them finished scrubbing in and made their way through to the theatre.

Everything went smoothly for the first part of the surgery, Henrik took extra care and was completely alert to everything. Every millimetre counted, every tiny micro-action added to the possibility of his best possible outcome. He was pleased with his work, they located the tear and were grateful to find that it wasn't as bad as they had initially feared.

Henrik insisted on stitching it up completely himself; Dom served as little more than an observer but he didn't mind, he knew that the case was important to Henrik whether he would admit it or not. Once the tear was stitched, Henrik came away to observe his handiwork but Dom's brow was furrowed.

'Is it just me or is there still a bleed somewhere?' he asked, sure enough there was a small amount of blood filling the cavity, it was so minuscule it could easily have been missed but they couldn't see where it was coming from.

'Hang on, let me see.' Henrik instructed and looked carefully, when he couldn't find it he gently moved the organ to one side. Something shifted and suddenly the cavity was filling with blood at a rapid rate.

'What happened?' Dom asked as Henrik called for suction but the blood was filling up faster than they could remove it. Henrik's eyes searched quickly for the bleed but he couldn't see the source, there was no open wound there was nothing obvious but still the blood flowed.

'Give her five milligrams of tranexamic acid, please.' Henrik instructed, fighting against his anxiety as the monitor began to ding dangerously and the worst case scenario box in his head threatened to explode.

'She's losing too much blood...' Dom muttered more to himself than Henrik but it grated his nerves anyway.

'Yes I can see that, thank you, Mr Copeland. Cross match two units.' he ordered and continued to search for the bleed. The beeping grew worse and Henrik suddenly took a step back as if trying to get some insight from distance. He knew that Hannah was running out of time and if he didn't find this bleed then she would die there and then and he would have failed again.

He looked at her face and for a moment he saw Fredrik lying there instead of her. She had filled the space his son had left behind and he wasn't willing to leave it empty again, he wasn't willing to give up just yet.

'And yet I smile...' he muttered and Dom looked at him like he had gone mad.

'What do we do?' he asked, continuing to try and clear the blood but the machine changed noise.

'She's gone into VF.' Dom said and they prepared the paddles, all working around Henrik as he tried to process what was happening. He was frozen, unable to comprehend the thought of losing Hannah so early in their acquaintance. He took a deep breath as he watched her body jerk as they shocked her, the blood was still filling the cavity and more units were being pumped into her body. If he didn't act fast he would lose her.

'Mr Hanssen!' Dom was calling to him and it brought him back to his senses as everything became crystal clear around him again. He stepped back to the table as Hannah's heart slipped back into a normal rhythm but this didn't mean that they were in any way clear of the dangers.

'What do we do?' he asked and Henrik smiled slightly.

'We smile.' he said simply and Dom looked at him like he'd gone mad but Henrik paid him no attention as he set to work. He tore the new stitches he had made as he began to move things around inside of Hannah's body to find the new bleed. It didn't matter, it could be fixed again, but if he didn't find the new bleed then it would all be for nothing anyway.

He worked quickly and as carefully as he could whilst Dom continued the suction to the best of his ability. Beneath the intestine was another tear which had been blocked up with the healthy organ but had become dislodged when Henrik had moved it.

'Got it.' Henrik said and called for clamps. He worked quickly now and Dom was impressed with his skill as he artfully sorted the bleed and, gradually, things became less hectic. Once he had repaired that particular bleed he went back to repair the original issue and completed a final survey before he was finally content that he had done all he could.

Hannah had lost a lot of blood during the surgery and there was a fear that it would affect her but Henrik was optimistic. He had quashed his negative box and his positive box was opening slowly but steadily.

As he and Dom scrubbed out he felt a glowing pride in his chest, he knew that he had done everything he could to save Hannah and he firmly believed that her problems were finally behind her. He smiled to himself and Dom watched him, wondering where his moment of madness had come from but not daring to ask him.

Henrik returned to the ward to complete some paperwork before Hannah woke up but Dom went to Hannah's side to check everything was doing alright. As he checked everything over he caught sight of her left arm.

 _And yet I smile_

The tattoo across her arm had been what had inspired Hanssen. He smiled to himself and held her hand for a moment, giving it a squeeze in thanks for everything that she had done for his friend.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Henrik was checking Hannah's charts when she started to come around. She grumbled a little and blinked as the bright lights hit her eyes so Henrik averted the bulb slightly so it wouldn't shine so harshly on her.

'I'm still alive?' she mumbled and Henrik smiled.

'Just about.' he replied, returning his attention to the charts and she looked at him, studying his face closely.

'Something went wrong.' she observed.

'Only for a few moments, then we had control of the situation again.' he told her and they stayed in silence for a few moments before she licked her lips, the grogginess of the anaesthetic beginning to wear off.

'Thank you.' she said quietly and he shrugged.

'No need to thank me, it's what we do here. You know that.'

'Well, hopefully it's the last time I'll have to thank you. I have no intention of going back under the knife any time soon.' she told him, shifting slightly to get more comfortable and wincing in pain. He looked up from the notes and paused for a moment before closing the file and putting them away at the end of her bed where he stood with his hands folded in front of him in a professional manner.

'The surgeries should hopefully have fixed the majority of the problems, but your condition is not to be taken lightly and will still require careful management.' he said and she avoided his eye. 'I'm going to be prescribing you amitriptyline, it will help control the electrical leakage in your brain and it should also help you to manage your depression a little better.'

'Killing two birds with one stone, huh?' she attempted to joke but her tone suggested her heart wasn't really in it.

'Of course, there are other things I would recommend to help manage your conditions.' he told her and she looked at him with mock curiosity.

'Oh yeah?' she asked, he could feel her fiery personality returning to her with the lack of pain, even if it was weak post-surgery; it warmed his heart a little.

'I would recommend counselling, of course, and...' he trailed off and she raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He sighed and put his hands on the end of the bed, unsure of how she would react.

'Hannah,' he began quietly, 'you cannot go back to that life.'

She rolled her eyes and sunk down into her pillows, squirming a little either from pain or discomfort at the direction the conversation had taken.

'This isn't a conversation I want to be having right now.' she told him bluntly, her cheeks beginning to colour.

'It's a necessary conversation...' he attempted.

'Yeah but it's the same kind of necessary conversation as when your parents give you the sex talk: it's still unpleasant.' she said and he smiled slightly, she wasn't wrong. He slowly came around to the side of the bed so he was stood beside her.

'Alright, I'll let you rest for now, but this is a conversation we need to have.' he told her and she snorted with laughter and rolled her eyes before wincing again at the pain.

'Yeah, yeah, whatever...' she told him lightly and he smiled at her again before beginning to move away. Before he could go she suddenly reached out and grabbed his hand and he turned back quickly, afraid that something was wrong but she was looking a little bashful and smiling slightly.

'I know I've said it a hundred times but you keep blowing it off so let me just say it once more; thank you, Henrik, for everything. I really mean it.' she said in a quiet tone but he had never heard her sound more in earnest. He gave her hand a squeeze and smiled back at her before patting it lightly with his other hand.

'Go to sleep.' he instructed her and she knew he had accepted her thanks, even if he had once again deflected the question. She allowed him to let go of her hand as she settled back into the pillows and closed her eyes.

Henrik checked her notes quickly one last time as a nurse entered to record the next batch of data so Henrik decided to leave them to it. As he turned to leave he saw John stood by the door, apparently waiting for him and wearing a sour look.

'John.' Henrik greeted him as he left the room and John nodded in response without changing the look on his face. They stood together for a few moments and looked in at the nurse who was talking softly to Hannah.

'You are very attached to her.' John noted and Henrik was momentarily confused.

'She's been here for a while, I suppose I am attached in the sense that I'm her doctor and she's required extensive care.' he commented but John shook his head.

'I'm not blind Henrik, and nobody else is either. You've become personally attached to Miss Wilde's case.' he said but Henrik still didn't look at him. He didn't reply and that was all the confirmation that John needed.

'Perhaps you should step away for the remainder of her care?' he suggested and now Henrik looked at him sharply.

'I don't think that would be such a good idea.' he remarked and John was confused.

'Why not? If this were any other case you would agree with me. She's going to be fine, it's just the aftercare now.' he argued but Henrik shook his head.

'It's not just that.' he said slowly. 'It's her mental health as well. John you don't understand, she has nobody in the entire world, not a single friend. I can't abandon her now.' he explained.

'Henrik that's not your job. Your job is to treat her objectively and fairly and you can't let your personal attachment interfere with that. What if something goes wrong in the post-op care? What if she develops sepsis and, God forbid, dies? How will you live with yourself knowing she was under your care and it happened?' he asked and Henrik was silent. John sighed and turned back to watching the nurse taking Hannah's obs.

'You know that I only say this because we've all been there before. You can still be there for her without being responsible for her treatment. Just step away from the case, it will be best for you both.' Henrik considered him for a moment before raising his chin slightly and clasping his hands behind his back in his usual professional manner.

'Thank you for your advice, I will be continuing to oversee Miss Wilde's treatment until her discharge but of course I always value your input.' he told his friend coolly before turning and walking away at a measured pace.

John watched him leave without expression. In all honesty he had known how Henrik would react to his unsolicited advice but that didn't stop his moral requirement to offer it. He only wanted what was best for both the doctor and his patient and he could only see this situation ending in tears for everyone involved. He made a resolution to continue to keep a close eye on the case and monitor both Hannah and Henrik until Hannah had been discharged, then, once he was sure that she was out of their lives for good, would he feel at ease again.

He wasn't sure what it was, but as he watched her talking with the nurse he felt a strong dislike towards her. There was something about her that felt strange, something that he was sure was going to end badly for anyone who got involved with her; she felt like a bad luck charm. He knew that wasn't fair, especially as a doctor to a patient, but he couldn't help how he felt. Until she was gone, he didn't feel quite safe.


End file.
